Zen mind

Clarity of mind comes in waves for me. I have always been this way. Left and right brain must take turns like alternating pistons in a car engine. When the balance isn't just right, it's as though a veil is pulled over my eyes. Things aren't clear as they once were. I feel uninspired, numb to the beautiful infinity unfolding all around.

This week that veil is sliding off and I'm starting to feel a rhythm to life again. Everything, it seems, is just a little bit easier: waking up in the morning, dealing with daily stressors, even simply thinking two steps ahead of any moment. It's so strange to look back and think, "when exactly was it that I was so stuck in the mud? It must have been so hard for me." But I think back and recall a week in Mexico, two in Peru, and countless triumphant weekends with my family, friends, and girl'fiend.

I expressed in my last entry that I felt drained by work days. I think that this is where I'm reconciling my groove. Today I got to work half an hour early, and left an hour and a half late. When I arrived at North Station, 30 minutes sat between me and the next ride home, and yet I felt no frustration. I spent the time drawing the people around me. On the train, I put pencil to paper again and next thing I new I was fantasizing about surfing sunset at OB.

Last night I meditated for 30 or 40 minutes, there must be irony in this considering the previous paragraph contains about 13 instances of the pronoun "I" by my count. Self absorbed as I am at this moment, last night was a welcome deviation into emptiness. The night before I spent about 2 hours working on a drawing and more time messing around with oil pastels. This is definitely a favorite form of meditation for me. The mind becomes so fixed on shape and shadow that nothing else can distract. A hand may travel to scratch an itch, or the body may reposition itself more comfortably, but the mind defers all these things to the reflexes.

It is claimed that meditation is like an exercise for the mind -- that repeated practice yields improved focus and clarity. I subscribe to this belief, though my experience with rigorous meditation is lacking. The world around can be so over-stimulating that it pollutes and numbs the senses. Sometimes I wonder if a day will come when I will be unaffected by the sound of a car accident. Whatever the case, I aim to chase down the luminescent clarity and focus that has time-and-again washed over me, maybe this time I can ride it out.

In need of a surf session

I'm restless. It doesn't feel like summer. This time of year is supposed to see me spending 50% of my time outside. I miss the beach, and most of all surfing. I need the release of sport, and my sport has been devoid of a playing field for weeks. Not one promising swell, and the forecast looks like flat seas for days to come.

Unfortunately, I think my craving isn't self justifying, but rather stems from boredom with other aspects of my situation. I'm tired of commuting between North Chelmsford, Cambridge, Salem, and Salisbury; four places that couldn't possibly be less conveniently spaced. I'm frustrated by the miserable people that live beneath Ashley and Jackie, who choose to bitch and nitpick about nothing. And I'm put off by the fact that our UROPs at the Broad are doing more interesting work than I am. All of this has manifested itself in the form of a monotonous weekday life that leaves me aching for a nap at 2pm instead of craving to get back to what should be exciting work.

Maybe I just need something to energize me between now and the big move. In less than a month, Tim and I will be moving into a new apartment on the Lynn-Swampscott border. With this move, I'll finally be back on the north shore -- near the beaches, a stone's throw from perfect, nor'easter surf at Nahant, and 10 minutes away from my girl. The icing on the cake: my daily commute will be shortened by at least an hour... and hour I can spend at the gym, painting, surfing, going on walks with Ashley -- anything but driving from A to B.

Besides all advantages of moving, I love moving itself. What could be more refreshing than taking apart your living space and reassembling it somewhere new and groovy. Ashley and I have been priming and painting her future bedroom on Federal St., and yesterday we disassembled, moved, and reassembled Jon's old wardrobe. One piece at a time, this new place will become a reflection of its new inhabitants. How cool!

Continuing on the positive note, fun things have been happening. In the work category, I was treated to a 2 day training seminar for Acuity Xpress, a very cool analysis and exploration application for high content, image-based, biological screens.

Last weekend, Chris, Nick and I camped up in Crawford Notch to celebrate my cousin Savannah's birthday. Along with her and her boyfriend Patrick, we met other members of her posse who proved to be a lot of fun. We one-upped the typical camping thing of marshmallows, burgers, and beer, but adding Beirut, flip-cup, and a trip to North Conway to the equation. Our site was right on the river, which we all made a point to swim in at one point. Chris, Josh, and I had a good time throwing rocks from a distance at a dead tree hanging over the river. What a great way to spend an hour of the day! I felt like a little kid again! Someone even bought a slingshot that we used to shatter beer bottles as they were thrown into the air. I was astounded by the fact that 3 people were actually able to pull this off. We cleaned up responsibly afterwards. As night fell, we made sparkler-photo art by tracing our bodies in sparks over long exposure times.


The preceding weekend, I laughed myself stupid watching Kung Fu Panda at the theater with Tim, Rae, Laura, and Andrew. Saturday, Ashley and I got shivers listening to Ellis Paul perform at the New Moon Coffeehouse in Haverhill. What an amazing songwriter! The next morning, we hit the beach after looking at an apartment with Tim, then sped into Boston to catch the Red Sox - Mariners game at Fenway. J.D. Drew made an excellent catch right in front of us, then pulled a solo homer that won us the game 2-1. We capped the day off by swinging by my cousin Shannon's high school graduation party in Woburn. Phew, what a day!

This coming weekend, Chris and I are celebrating our respective licensure and masters degree by means of a barbeque in Salisbury. Beer, burgers, and volleyball will pervade the event. And Nick and I will soon be painting a custom Red Sox bar in the form of the green monster for his new apartment. I really can't complain much considering all the fun I'm having on the weekends.

...Still, nothing satisfies the soul like a good surf session.