Sam and I Fought Off Two Lions in My Backyard

Last night my dog Sam was barking in the backyard. I went outside to find a lion cub on the deck swatting at Sam with paws the size of dessert plates. I yelled at Sam to get in the house and immediately began to fear the presence of the parents of the lion cub. Sure enough, below the back staircase to the deck was an enormous, adult, male lion. Sam barked like crazy at it, and the lion bit at his face catching his lip in his giant fangs. People were calling at me from inside the house to get inside, but Sam was in trouble. Barely thinking, I climbed up on the railing of the deck and jumped off it drop-kicking the lion in the shoulders (seriously). Immediately I realized the futility of my actions and panic sat in. I thought about how I wished that I just slid down the back staircase, grabbed Sam's collar from behind and ran him back up the stairs. Then, with the thought in my head, next thing I knew, I had Sam's collar in my right hand and we were on our way up the deck.

And then I woke up.